I remember searching on the floor, throughout the apartment, on the path outside, and then inside my vehicle. I looked everywhere I could think of and to no avail. I never remembered going in the junk drawer that morning and therefore never gave it a thought. For awhile, I left it alone figuring it would eventually turn up, but months went by and nothing turned up. Nothing happened until tonight that is. Only one problem. Can you guess what I did?
After finding the earring I went straight to my jewelry box to see if I had kept the other one. Two or three drawers later, I remembered tossing the matching earring a month or so prior to tonight. It was costume jewelry and I thought, "What good was one gold earring without the other?" Since it had been so long, I gave up and tossed the one good earring I had into the waste receptacle. It had not turned up in the time I thought it should or would and so I simply concluded it was then or never.
How often do we do that? How often do I do that? I'm afraid to admit all too often. It's so easy to succumb to feelings of, "What's the use? Why bother? Nothing ever changes." In fact, earlier I felt like typing something to the effect of, "If God is not willing to work victory in and through my immediate circumstances and family where I am here and now, then He certainly will not work above and beyond these things." I have been frustrated with what appears to be His lack of interest and intervention in the things that have grieved my heart for years. I find it difficult to even pray these days.
What am I to conclude now? It is a new year, 2011. On the first evening of it, I found the gold earring I had given up on ever finding and forgot about, once I had tossed its match in the garbage. I am reminded of the verse in Hebrews 10:35-6, "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere, so that when you have done the will of God you will receive what He has promised."
To be honest, I haven't had much confidence or will to persevere these days in regards to the disharmony that exists within my family. It continues to grieve me that people are so bitter, disrespectful, and unkind to each other; even more so that they do not know or desire the peace that passes understanding. What promise or hope do I have that things will ever be healed? What does it mean when something that was lost is unexpectedly found?
I would like to believe that it means God is willing and WILL work in and through these trying circumstances. I yearn to see the miracle of hearts being turned from stone to flesh. I long for the animosity and disgust between family members to be replaced with forgiveness and love. In essence, I want to know God sees and cares for the same people I do. I need to know He wants to and He will melt the ice away and bring healing in my family.
If He is willing, may He help my unbelief,