Do you hear what I hear?
"You need to prepare yourself. This is serious."
or
"You can't listen to them. Don't believe everything you hear."
Do you see what I see?
A man standing six feet tall
fit and trim
riding bikes with his grandchildren
Can you believe what I read?
Stage 4
lung cancer
Chemo and radiation on Wednesday
"No, you're not driving," his wife reprimands him.
The son chimes in-
"I'll go with him. He'll be fine."
"Do you want me to go?" the daughter asks.
"No!" they respond in unison.
The groceries would wait
There was enough salad for another day anyway
Six months of chemo
5 days a week radiation
How can it be?
Where will it lead?
There's nothing to get about this
Like the day the twin towers crumbled
Life will not be the same again
Thank God for monotony
Thank God for survivors
Thank God for my dad
Welcome to a new normal
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Drink Up
I rose bright and early this morning. In fact, it was before six. I didn't need the aroma of fresh coffee or the radio blaring. It was field day. Rather, it was SUPPOSED to be field day. All of our students would be outside running relay races, flaring a parachute, hula hooping and bouncing upon hippity hops. It was to be a day of fun in the sun. All until I stepped outside with my jean capri's on and red and white school t-shirt. Very slowly came the drops, sprinkling upon me and everything else.
I grumbled all the way to school thinking of the fun we would now miss and the looks of disppointment emanating from students' faces. Sprinkles quickly turned to pouring down rain. I thought of my student Christiane. This was to be her very first field day here in America. She came to our school as a new student in September. Yesterday morning she was making her wishes known as she told everyone, "I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. I can't wait for field day!"
I entered the office to see Coach Ralphie sitting behind the desk. "I was all dressed and as soon as I stepped outside it started to rain," I complained.
"Tell me about it," he commiserated.
"What a bummer! I don't ever remember it raining before," I continued.
"This is the second time in twenty years. Don't worry. We'll get it in tomorrow," he reassured me. Still I was bummed and no doubt the students would be also.
Nine o'clock Christiane and Alicia trudged into my room and each one plopped on to a chair. They both sat pouting. "I'm so mad! I can't believe it rained!" Christiane lamented. Alicia was silent.
"I know. It's a bummer. I don't like it either, but we will have it tomorrow," I explained.
"I don't feel like doing anything," Christiane whined.
Not before long, I found myself presenting them with a choice. A choice I perhaps needed the prompting to realize myself. "I was mad, too. We can sit here and stay mad or we can do something else fun. Being mad isn't going to change the rain," I explained.
Christiane didn't need anytime to think that one over. Immediately she responded with, "Do something else fun."
By 9:05 a.m. the girls were sitting on the mats and we began reading, "Going on a Whale Watch". Five minutes later three other students joined the fun. For the next half an hour they were whales breaching,spouting, and flippering through deep ocean waters.
As I reflect upon this, I know there are tons of circumstances in my own life as well as the world to be utterly discontented with. However, there is also a choice. Each one of us can sit and stew over missed opportunities and fun or we can make some good old fashioned lemonade by adding the sweetness of creativity and optimism.
I must admit, over the past few months I have chosen the lemons without the sugar, but today was different. Today, I can proudly say, we, not just I, but my students also, were able to quickly divert our attention towards warmer waters and make some of that deliciously fresh squeezed lemonade. How about it? Would you like some?
I grumbled all the way to school thinking of the fun we would now miss and the looks of disppointment emanating from students' faces. Sprinkles quickly turned to pouring down rain. I thought of my student Christiane. This was to be her very first field day here in America. She came to our school as a new student in September. Yesterday morning she was making her wishes known as she told everyone, "I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. I can't wait for field day!"
I entered the office to see Coach Ralphie sitting behind the desk. "I was all dressed and as soon as I stepped outside it started to rain," I complained.
"Tell me about it," he commiserated.
"What a bummer! I don't ever remember it raining before," I continued.
"This is the second time in twenty years. Don't worry. We'll get it in tomorrow," he reassured me. Still I was bummed and no doubt the students would be also.
Nine o'clock Christiane and Alicia trudged into my room and each one plopped on to a chair. They both sat pouting. "I'm so mad! I can't believe it rained!" Christiane lamented. Alicia was silent.
"I know. It's a bummer. I don't like it either, but we will have it tomorrow," I explained.
"I don't feel like doing anything," Christiane whined.
Not before long, I found myself presenting them with a choice. A choice I perhaps needed the prompting to realize myself. "I was mad, too. We can sit here and stay mad or we can do something else fun. Being mad isn't going to change the rain," I explained.
Christiane didn't need anytime to think that one over. Immediately she responded with, "Do something else fun."
By 9:05 a.m. the girls were sitting on the mats and we began reading, "Going on a Whale Watch". Five minutes later three other students joined the fun. For the next half an hour they were whales breaching,spouting, and flippering through deep ocean waters.
As I reflect upon this, I know there are tons of circumstances in my own life as well as the world to be utterly discontented with. However, there is also a choice. Each one of us can sit and stew over missed opportunities and fun or we can make some good old fashioned lemonade by adding the sweetness of creativity and optimism.
I must admit, over the past few months I have chosen the lemons without the sugar, but today was different. Today, I can proudly say, we, not just I, but my students also, were able to quickly divert our attention towards warmer waters and make some of that deliciously fresh squeezed lemonade. How about it? Would you like some?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
A Child's Friendship
Will you play with me?
Imagine?
Visualize and listen close?
Can you hear them?
dragons roaring
damselles in distress
a baby crying
hurricane waves crashing
all in chaos, yet none lost
community forms
it takes a shape
the world of actors set upon life's stage
a table, a chair, some sand and water
perhaps a bean bag, too.
working, living, laughing, living, trusting
knowing there is a purpose for each one
not long before a hero steps in
enter the world
the world of community
step up or step in
there's a friendship and connection waiting to be made
an invitation extended
it stands open
a child asking,"Will you?"
"Will you enter my creation and take part?
I can always use a little help from some friends"
Imagine?
Visualize and listen close?
Can you hear them?
dragons roaring
damselles in distress
a baby crying
hurricane waves crashing
all in chaos, yet none lost
community forms
it takes a shape
the world of actors set upon life's stage
a table, a chair, some sand and water
perhaps a bean bag, too.
working, living, laughing, living, trusting
knowing there is a purpose for each one
not long before a hero steps in
enter the world
the world of community
step up or step in
there's a friendship and connection waiting to be made
an invitation extended
it stands open
a child asking,"Will you?"
"Will you enter my creation and take part?
I can always use a little help from some friends"
Monday, May 16, 2011
Lessons From the Lady in the Laundry Room
The apple blossoms have disintegrated and only dark green leaves remain on each of the tree's branches. While driving to work this morning I reflected upon the lessons I learned from my dear friend, Ellen. It has not yet been a full week from her passing, but I thought it worth posting.
1. Know who you are. Ellen made no bones about telling everyone,"I'm not a cancer patient. I'm a child of God. I don't let this run my life." It is because of this tough as nails attitude that she survived so long. Her doctor told her that if anyone else had the type of cancer she had, they would have been dead a long time ago.
2. Love yourself and others. Ellen always used to say, "I love Ellen." She was always kind to herself and others. Eating right and exercising were a way of life for her. She was good to herself. For others, one of the last things I did with her was to bring some goodies and cheer to an old friend that was ill. She loved it and so did the person we visited. Upon returning home, Ellen took care of herself. She rested.
3. Be honest. Ellen never held anything back. She was very transparent with me and God. "The hair, Lord. Please, can you do something about the hair? I just want my hair for the play," she pleaded. Losing her hair from chemotherapy was traumatic as well as having others have to help her get dressed in the morning. She hated it and never tried to hide it. Her brutal honesty only speaks of the depth of her personal relationship with Jesus.
4. Enjoy the free entertainment. Ellen often told stories about the people in her neighborhood and others she knew. Some of the stories were hilarious. One man, she enjoyed seeing mow the lawn in his bare feet while he was drunk and singing. She'd say, "That's way I stay here. It's the entertainment."
5.Keep busy. Up until her last full day at home in her apartment Ellen was knitting sweaters for kids in the Ukraine. Even though she was not able to make it to church to play the piano, she could knit and so she did. In addition, she kept a stack of puzzle books and devotionals on the nearby end table to read. She had no tolerance or time for self pity.
6. Ask for help. Ellen loved being independent, but she wasn't afraid to ask for help. The Saturday before her death she had difficulty getting out of her blue recliner to get to the bathroom in time. She pressed the button for the Life Alert and paramedics came. Afterwards, she called her physical therapist right away to see if he could work with her at home, showing her how to get up the right way. "If I need help, I get it," she explained.
7.Praise God. Ellen was a pianist. She loved to play, but more importantly she loved to worship God. She informed me that she picked out 10 hymns to be sung at her funeral. It was going to be a sing-a-long. With tears in her eyes and a slightly cracked voice she said," That's the way I want to die-with my hands praising Jesus." Ellen simply loved to praise Him.
8.Don't settle. Although, Ellen never married she was engaged 3 times. Yes, you read that right. One man in particular made dinner arrangements with her and then stood her up. He chose to have dinner with his mom instead. When Ellen asked him if he ever thought to tell his mother he had plans with her, he replied, "No." Ellen had prepared a lovely meal with stuffed peppers. Her friend expected to be able to come the next evening. Ellen told him no. She would be having the rest for left overs. She was not about to settle for a man still joined at the hip.
9.Look and listen. While driving south on route 9, Ellen noticed a crew of men working alongside the road doing landscaping. While pedaling on the bike at the gym, she began to think of what she could do to thank them for brightening up our community with new plants and flowers. She heard the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit say, "Donuts, Ellen. Men like donuts." After finishing her workout, she was off to Dunkin' Donuts for a box of Joe and a dozen donuts. She delivered them and gave them all a standing ovation thanking them for their service. The mens' eyes began to fill with tears. Ellen was open and took the time to say, "Thank you." We'll never know the full effect of her kindness that day, but I know people were changed because of it.
10. Make new friends. Ellen was quite the social butterfly and loved it. She would talk to anybody which is how I met her. One Saturday in the laundry room, I entered to see the lady with the cute little hat, no eyebrows and thin wisps of white hair poking out from the bottom, greet me. She was waiting for her wash to finish while doing a crossword puzzle. She began venting about her annoyance at having to go through chemotherapy. She was a woman on a mission; a mission to seize the day and make the world a whole lot nicer in the process. Our friendship only grew from there.
The apartment complex I had been living in for the past 7 or 8 years suddenly became a lot more homey. I had a new friend with whom I could talk with over lunch or the laundry. There was a new friend in my own complex to pray with. I had a living witness and testimony sharing her life lessons, laughter and heartache. I had great treasure cloaked in the simplicity of an older woman wearing plaid shirts, long cotton trousers, and white sneakers from the A building's laundry room.
I had Ellen Marie Barrett, a woman I deeply admire and now strive to emulate.
1. Know who you are. Ellen made no bones about telling everyone,"I'm not a cancer patient. I'm a child of God. I don't let this run my life." It is because of this tough as nails attitude that she survived so long. Her doctor told her that if anyone else had the type of cancer she had, they would have been dead a long time ago.
2. Love yourself and others. Ellen always used to say, "I love Ellen." She was always kind to herself and others. Eating right and exercising were a way of life for her. She was good to herself. For others, one of the last things I did with her was to bring some goodies and cheer to an old friend that was ill. She loved it and so did the person we visited. Upon returning home, Ellen took care of herself. She rested.
3. Be honest. Ellen never held anything back. She was very transparent with me and God. "The hair, Lord. Please, can you do something about the hair? I just want my hair for the play," she pleaded. Losing her hair from chemotherapy was traumatic as well as having others have to help her get dressed in the morning. She hated it and never tried to hide it. Her brutal honesty only speaks of the depth of her personal relationship with Jesus.
4. Enjoy the free entertainment. Ellen often told stories about the people in her neighborhood and others she knew. Some of the stories were hilarious. One man, she enjoyed seeing mow the lawn in his bare feet while he was drunk and singing. She'd say, "That's way I stay here. It's the entertainment."
5.Keep busy. Up until her last full day at home in her apartment Ellen was knitting sweaters for kids in the Ukraine. Even though she was not able to make it to church to play the piano, she could knit and so she did. In addition, she kept a stack of puzzle books and devotionals on the nearby end table to read. She had no tolerance or time for self pity.
6. Ask for help. Ellen loved being independent, but she wasn't afraid to ask for help. The Saturday before her death she had difficulty getting out of her blue recliner to get to the bathroom in time. She pressed the button for the Life Alert and paramedics came. Afterwards, she called her physical therapist right away to see if he could work with her at home, showing her how to get up the right way. "If I need help, I get it," she explained.
7.Praise God. Ellen was a pianist. She loved to play, but more importantly she loved to worship God. She informed me that she picked out 10 hymns to be sung at her funeral. It was going to be a sing-a-long. With tears in her eyes and a slightly cracked voice she said," That's the way I want to die-with my hands praising Jesus." Ellen simply loved to praise Him.
8.Don't settle. Although, Ellen never married she was engaged 3 times. Yes, you read that right. One man in particular made dinner arrangements with her and then stood her up. He chose to have dinner with his mom instead. When Ellen asked him if he ever thought to tell his mother he had plans with her, he replied, "No." Ellen had prepared a lovely meal with stuffed peppers. Her friend expected to be able to come the next evening. Ellen told him no. She would be having the rest for left overs. She was not about to settle for a man still joined at the hip.
9.Look and listen. While driving south on route 9, Ellen noticed a crew of men working alongside the road doing landscaping. While pedaling on the bike at the gym, she began to think of what she could do to thank them for brightening up our community with new plants and flowers. She heard the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit say, "Donuts, Ellen. Men like donuts." After finishing her workout, she was off to Dunkin' Donuts for a box of Joe and a dozen donuts. She delivered them and gave them all a standing ovation thanking them for their service. The mens' eyes began to fill with tears. Ellen was open and took the time to say, "Thank you." We'll never know the full effect of her kindness that day, but I know people were changed because of it.
10. Make new friends. Ellen was quite the social butterfly and loved it. She would talk to anybody which is how I met her. One Saturday in the laundry room, I entered to see the lady with the cute little hat, no eyebrows and thin wisps of white hair poking out from the bottom, greet me. She was waiting for her wash to finish while doing a crossword puzzle. She began venting about her annoyance at having to go through chemotherapy. She was a woman on a mission; a mission to seize the day and make the world a whole lot nicer in the process. Our friendship only grew from there.
The apartment complex I had been living in for the past 7 or 8 years suddenly became a lot more homey. I had a new friend with whom I could talk with over lunch or the laundry. There was a new friend in my own complex to pray with. I had a living witness and testimony sharing her life lessons, laughter and heartache. I had great treasure cloaked in the simplicity of an older woman wearing plaid shirts, long cotton trousers, and white sneakers from the A building's laundry room.
I had Ellen Marie Barrett, a woman I deeply admire and now strive to emulate.
Friday, May 13, 2011
A Tribute in Spring
Today I planted some yellow tulips beneath the apartment complex sign where I live. They were Ellen's, my dear friend and neighbor I met in the laundry room two years ago. Ellen has passed on to better and bigger things now. I received the news just last night. Although I know where she is and enjoyed my time with her, my heart still breaks. I'm separated by death from the woman who inspired me and brought new meaning to life. I have composed a poem in her honor posted below.
Like sweet magnolia's and Golden's apple blossoms
shed beneath stout branches
So has my friend's spirit departed
Pink, white, dainty and pure
Her soft petals drenched with heavenly fragrance
Embodied majesty
Blossoms of splendor shone like stars and then alighted
Shining forth glory from a beautiful life
Her warmth touched
Her spirit inspired
She decorated with gardens
Her stories delighted
Friday, May 13th now arrived
Apple's blossoms have begun to wilt
Fading from pink to white then brown
Maggie's flowers fallen
Their petals withered and long departed
Memories of wonderful aroma and life
Memories of Ellen
Ellen, my dear friend, for but a short time
How I wish spring's blossoms lasted longer
How I wish it were not so long til another talk
How I wish I knew her sooner
How I wish Spring would start all over
But perhaps then she would not be such a beautiful flower
Perhaps then, Ellen would not have meant what she did
to me and so many others
My dear friend, Ellen, Thursday, May 12, 2011
Like sweet magnolia's and Golden's apple blossoms
shed beneath stout branches
So has my friend's spirit departed
Pink, white, dainty and pure
Her soft petals drenched with heavenly fragrance
Embodied majesty
Blossoms of splendor shone like stars and then alighted
Shining forth glory from a beautiful life
Her warmth touched
Her spirit inspired
She decorated with gardens
Her stories delighted
Friday, May 13th now arrived
Apple's blossoms have begun to wilt
Fading from pink to white then brown
Maggie's flowers fallen
Their petals withered and long departed
Memories of wonderful aroma and life
Memories of Ellen
Ellen, my dear friend, for but a short time
How I wish spring's blossoms lasted longer
How I wish it were not so long til another talk
How I wish I knew her sooner
How I wish Spring would start all over
But perhaps then she would not be such a beautiful flower
Perhaps then, Ellen would not have meant what she did
to me and so many others
My dear friend, Ellen, Thursday, May 12, 2011
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